I have dreaded this day for my 52 years. I have hoped it would never happen to me. I was terrified of becoming that person. Despite my efforts, it has apparently happened to me...I am old. I am now the person saying and thinking things like, "back in my day" or, "when I was young", or "I don't understand young people today". I have to maintain however, that as bad as my generation was in the eyes of old people back the, we were still soooo much better than the young people of today. For me, this painful metamorphosis started sometime in the 1990's.
In the 1990's, Don Johnson introduced us to the day old beard look. It was cool to walk around unshaven - or at least that was the message. In reality, the beard was styled, trimmed and clean. It was all about the look. Next came the messy hair look. With this, you washed your hair and used a styling gel to get the unkempt look. The hair was clean, but was styled to look dirty. Next, sometime in the early 2000's, torn jeans and distressed clothes were all the rage. Again, the clothes were usually clean, just made to look old and dirty by the textile manufacturers.
Now comes the 2010's and what was designed to look old, is old. What was designed to look dirty is dirty and what was designed to look unkempt, is unkempt. This decade brought about the age of dirty and disgusting. Sorry, but count me out!
Today, people are still wearing beards, but unlike before, it is now cool to wear them long and unstyled - the more ratty, the better. Dirty looking hair? I wish. Now, the cool thing is to keep your hair dirty, but not just the hair, now people are keeping hair, clothes, and bodies dirty. I have actually read articles talking about people who never shower or bathe. The articles feature people who justify this disgusting mindset as being natural and healthy. Here's the thing, a pig slops itself in mud to cool and clean themselves. A dog licks it's own private parts because the dog intends to clean itself. In other words, animals make an effort to clean themselves, but there are people today who do not - there are people today who are lower than dogs or pigs. This is disgusting! As an aside, if any of my friends, Facebook or otherwise, fall into this category, please unfriend me because I would be afraid of catching something from you, even over the computer.
Back 10 or so years ago, Levi's sold ripped jeans and as crazy as I thought it was, people bought them. Today, some people just don't wash their clothes. They just toss them on the floor until the next day, week or month. Levi's does not have to put holes in the jeans any more because the tiny, and not so tiny, critters living in these clothes are eating holes in the jeans. Of course, these critters can feel confident living in these clothes (and the owner's junk) because the critters know that neither the jeans, nor the owners junk, will ever see water or soap. Yeah, disgusting.
If this is not insane enough, I am hearing about employers, bowing to pressure from some employees, creating no cologne or perfume policies. There are organized groups with a stated goal to outlaw colognes in public places, calling the scent a health hazard. Really? It's okay for me to smell your crotch fungus but Aqua Di Gio aggravates your allergies? Here's a suggestion - get over it!
Yeah, I am getting old. I admit it. Unlike generations before mine though, I am proud to be old in this case. At least I am clean and I smell good. I attract bees with my cologne, but it is better than attracting flies. The bees fly away when they realize that I am not a flower, but the flies are laying eggs in your arm pits.
If you are one of these people, here are some hard truths -
Truth number 1, If you don't bathe or shower, you are not stylish or fashion conscious, you are lazy. Calling you a pig, would only be an insult to the pig.
Truth number 2, If you don't clean your clothes, you are not stylish or fashion conscious, you are disgusting.
Truth number 3, You stink! If the maggots in your arm pit hair don't make the point, the dogs running away from you should.
Truth number 4, Though you stink, some people may be ashamed to tell you, not me though. I will tell you without hesitation. Look for the clues - if the person next to you has watering eyes, is holding his nose or gagging, you stink!
Truth number 5, insulting your peers who are clean does not make you smell any better. It only makes you an a**hole who stinks.
Enough said on the subject! Now this old guy is going to trim his ear hair because I believe details still matter, then I'm going to bed because it's 8PM and 8PM is when old people go to bed!
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